Now, were there times when I felt isolated and marginalized? Many. But those always had to do with big-picture things–language barriers, job-market barriers, lack of any family living in Japan, needing to worry about visa renewals, constantly putting up with the non-relaxed tatemae work environment, etc. I think most foreigners would be well advised to focus on surmounting those big obstacles to integrating into Japanese life, instead of nitpicking about the microaggressions.

I took a coach to Ushiku (Ibaraki Prefecture) with 2 giant bags and very a heavy backpack. It dropped me off near nothing – and I stood there trying to use my phone but it was no use. No taxi’s were coming and it was hot! I saw a man in his 50′s come out of his house and tried to ask if he could call me a taxi. He kept shaking his head to indicate there was no taxi here. I could see that. There was in fact, no taxi in front of us.
Then he left.
And I just stood there – with luggage I couldn’t move. 10 minutes went by and i kept trying my friend’s phone. The the same guy drove up with his car – took my bags, my backpack and motioned for me to get in his car. He seemed totally trustworthy – and I got in. He drove me to the station and gave the address I had to the taxi drivers there. None of them knew the address. I knew the directions from the station but because they didn’t recognize the address, none of them wanted to take me. I thanked him and off he went.

Then I was standing near the taxi stand and trying my friends phone again. 2 ladies approached me and asked me where I was going. I explained that it’s only 5 minutes away but the taxi drivers haven’t heard of it. One of the ladies made a phone call and, after she hung up, she said,’My friend get map from office. Don’t worry.’ While we were waiting, she entertained me with pictures of her cat and asked me if I liked cats.
Then her colleague came, they looked and found the address, showed the map to the taxi drivers – one agreed to take me. I got to the flat and he left me at the bottom of the building with my bags and backpack and didn’t charge me. I don’t know why. I had the money ready…
Then I stood at the bottom of the stairs, working out which apartment was the right one and 2-3 ladies showed up and asked (through weird charades) if i needed help taking my stuff upstairs. I asked how they knew I was going upstairs (but they didnt speak English so…). They took my stuff upstairs, showed me that there was a balcony, a bathroom (they even explained how the shower worked – I will never understand that one – it wasnt even their place). I thanked them and they left.

This kind of stuff happened a lot during my time there. Not asking for help and just receiving it. Like a travel assistant. I had no problem with any of it. It enabled me to travel alone and not worry because if I got lost (i surprisingly didnt have any bad luck after my first day) I know someone would help me.

As a foreign national who speaks Japanese, that’s one thing, but there is a growing population of children born in Japan to foreign nationals who look foreign, such a friend who was raised in Japan, speaks Japanese as a first language, and is white and blonde. Japan needs to learn not to judge on appearances–the white woman might be a fluent permanent resident or citizen; the Japanese-appearing person might speak no Japanese and have ancestors who moved from Japan to Canada in the 1900s.

So, while I definitely understand your take on microaggressions and how they are meant to create community and gauge a person’s level of knowledge of culture and language, they still hurt sometimes–most times. I wish there were a guide on how to talk to people you think are foreign without accidentally being rude or racist.

Although the longer I was there the more often I would get annoyed, I tried to temper my frustration at such questions with a similar way of thinking to the “looks like you’ve got a flat tire.” In a lot of situations I realized that the people I was talking to were nice enough and were just searching for something to say, often to break the ice. Heaven knows I have said dumb things in my lifetime, so I tried to cut them some slack.

Also have to keep in mind that like most generalizations, the trends you mentioned are displayed by a large amount of Japanese, but not all. Some of the Japanese people I was friends with in Kansai and my ex-girlfriend didn’t really make assumptions based on being people Japanese or non-Japanese (or maybe if they did, they had the good sense not to voice what they were thinking).