Comments on: On Awkward Acts of Generosity in Japan

By: Toshi

Toshi — Sun, 24 Nov 2013 09:46:26 +0000

少し補足しておきます。
駅まで案内してくれた日本人は、きっと相手の立場で物を考えられる人で、
「もし自分が異国の言葉も通じない所で道に迷ったらどれだけ心細いだろう」と想像出来る人だったのだろうと思います。だから貴方を駅まで案内したのだろうし、見返りなどは求めていないと思います。
悪く言えば日本人は「自分は善人でありたい」と思う人が多く、自己満足な面も有るのかも知れません。
しかし、親切にした結果、相手から感謝されれば、それだけで嬉しい事ですし、親切にされた人は、別の場面で別の人が困っている時に、同じ様に助けてあげれば良いのだろうと思います。
(日本ではこれを互助精神と呼びます。)
これらの習慣には悪い面も有るかも知れません。
日本人は今の秩序ある社会を大切にしたいと考えています。
だから、もし海外から移民が多く来て、この秩序を壊す「利己的な人」が多くなれば、排他運動に発展すると思えます。それは海外から見れば「民族差別」と見えるかも知れません。
現在、日本には中国や韓国から多くの移民がいますが、彼らの利己的な考えによる犯罪率の高さや、アンフェアな商取引による日本の損害は、「お互いを信用する」に支えられる日本の秩序を壊しかねないと考える日本人が少なからずいます。
日本では「正直者が馬鹿を見る」と言う状況は是正されるべきと捉える人が多いと思いますので、利己主義が目立つ人は淘汰される傾向が有ると思います。
もちろん、これらは最近の日本では崩れつつ有る文化です。日本でも利己的な人が増えてきました。
でも海外に比べて「比較的」「相対的」にと言う観点での話である事を申し添えます。

By: Toshi

Toshi — Sun, 24 Nov 2013 08:58:55 +0000

サーチナの記事を読んで来ました。
英語は苦手なので日本語で失礼。
日本人は親切過ぎて疑問だとの事ですが、日本には「困った時はお互い様」と言う文化が有ります。
自分が困った時には人々に助けて貰う。だから他人が困っている時には助ける。と言う事です。
親切心は同じ論理が有りますから、酒を勧めるのも親切心であり、仲良くしたいと言う心の現われです。
それは貴方にも、他人に対する親切心や友好心を持つ事を期待した結果の親切だと思います。
他人に迷惑を掛けないと言う習慣も同じです。
自分は他人から迷惑を受けたく無い。だから自分も他人に迷惑を掛けない。
日本人はこの様な習慣によって秩序や団体結束力が生まれるのだろうと私は思います。
他人を信用せず、他人に出し抜かれない様に利己的に生きるのは社会に負のスパイラルを招きます。
日本は逆に、他人を信用する事から正のスパイラルを生み出していると思うので、震災時に略奪行為などが少なく、列も乱さず並び、治安も守られ、道路も比較的綺麗になっていると言う事が出来るかもしれません。

By: Teal

Teal — Mon, 30 Sep 2013 07:07:28 +0000

Agreed that the 2nd problem is less of a problem if you speak Japanese. And if you aren’t worried about being viewed as “selfish” it’s not a problem at all. The over-zealous guides and random helpers don’t need their kindness returned. If they had an appointment or something better to do they would not stop to help. They are using foreigners for English practice and to satisfy their curiosity. It is inherently an even trade. The writer seems concerned about it, but there is no need to be.

By: Jason

Jason — Wed, 10 Jul 2013 07:02:18 +0000

Hi. I’m an English teacher in Japan and I’ve been reading this particular blog post with some of my one-on-one students and upper level classes. Here are some of the reactions:

- some students who have lived in Europe said they had similar experiences with older ladies in England and Germany being awkwardly kind to them; they got an unwanted tour guide for a while

- some we’re curious about the kind of favor that would be easy for a Japanese to fulfill but actually was difficult for you

- a few wondered if you we the only foreign teacher at your school or if you lived in the countryside, where foreigns are still a rare species

In general, students felt sympathy for you because some simple situations just simply got out of control. But they also wondered why you were so resistant to favors from people you knew. Sometimes a favor was a nuisance to them as we’ll, but generally this is a part of Japanese culture that was more beneficial than troublesome.

By: L D

L D — Thu, 04 Jul 2013 06:23:46 +0000

This is why I NEVER ask for anything in Japan. If I don’t know something, I ask someone who is socially considered to be indepted to me like a student, I never ask someone at the same level or over me in the social hierarchy; that includes strangers. My husband didn’t understand why I would refuse to ask for help from store staff or people in general. A few experiences of having a TON of time wasted being dragged to and fro by overly helpful people and now he’s as leery of asking for help as I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Japan, but you have to be realistic. If you ask for help, and the person can’t help you, they won’t just say ” Sorry man, I can’t help you.” They will run around desperately to find the means to help you, either by getting information or finding someone who can. This takes a chunk of your time and theirs and generally, is not worth it IMO. It’s sweet, but annoying at the same time.

Basically, my advice to any new person coming to work in a Japanese environment is NEVER EVER as for a favour from anyone unless you REALLY REALLY need it. Don’t think you can rephrase a question so that it doesn’t seem like you are asking a favour. Also, don’t complain about anything fixable. If you even hint at any sort of discomfort or problem, be prepared for people to bend over backwards to fix it even if you really don’t want them to. Complaining about the weather is generally safe as every Japanese person complains that it’s hot or cold about a million times a day.

Also, try really hard not to forget stuff or leave stuff lying around. My husband once had a store clerk chase him for 3 blocks to give him back 2 yen (equivalent to 2 cents).

By: John

John — Tue, 02 Jul 2013 23:31:44 +0000

This is precisely why I don’t ask questions unless absolutely necessary in Japan. I refuse any and all favors too. I’ve been put into some very bad situations where I was basically forced to repay their earlier kindness. I’ve found it to be less of a headache to just refuse favors.

It is also why I instructed my wife to refuse and return all wedding gifts from anyone in Japan. When you receive a wedding gift here you are expected to return a minimum of 50% of the cost of that gift in the form of a gift back to the person. So you have to do research to find out how much their gift cost. It is a giant waste of time and, in American culture, means that the gift is not a gift.

Also, Japanese misunderstand everything. If you casually say “Hey that looks tasty” and are just making conversation, they will think that you want them to buy it for you when you are just making small talk. My wife used to do this all the time but she has been slowly learning that it is just small talk (aka banter).

By: holymermaidcunt

holymermaidcunt — Fri, 24 May 2013 12:05:27 +0000

This actually pretty hits on its right spot.I was told by many people , especially the exchange students about their relationships with their hosts.We all know how shy and courteous Japanese people are but the things get in between them is yes, the reciprocity of their kind acts towards each others.It’s really hard to have a straight forward and frank discussion with them about sth, without hurting their feelings , not even mention the differences in their cultures, what we think is appropriate may not suitable for them, hence its really tough to strengthen and maintain the relationships

By: On Staying Sane as an Expat in Japan | This Japanese Life. | 生命を外面九天です

On Staying Sane as an Expat in Japan | This Japanese Life. | 生命を外面九天です — Wed, 22 May 2013 14:01:12 +0000

[…] of emotions that will inspire you to complain about your life. Frustration, loneliness, a sense of constant confusion. These are natural to feel and they are natural to talk about. Talk about them on Tuesday – or […]

By: Josh

Josh — Thu, 02 May 2013 14:04:01 +0000

As is always the case over the internet, tone doesn’t come across well. I didn’t think nor want to imply that you thought you were blameless in this situation. You, in fact, wrote that at one point you realized you had reached the point of no return and would have probably been better off asking no question at all. I was simply trying to say that I was confused when I read the dialogue (from both sides, I might add. Yours and the Japanese. The whole incident was just downright confusing. But, I suppose that was the point of you writing about this in the first place.).

As for companies, maybe I’ve just worked at some shitty American companies. Who knows.

P.S. I wasn’t trying to be condescending either. I’ve been in some freaky, weird situation in Japan myself (speaking in Japanese to a train station attendant who, for the life of him, cannot understand what I’m saying…or even that I was talking to him in his native language. It was probably the weirdest cultural barrier thing I’ve experienced here so far.)

And, lastly. I was only trying to be helpful with the Japanese phrases. I posted the above comment before I read any of your other posts and didn’t realize that you’d been in Japan for quite some time.

In any case, cheers and I hope you have an awesome time here. ;)

By: lazrcat

lazrcat — Wed, 01 May 2013 16:57:04 +0000

Super useful, insightful, and articulate blog post. Thanks for this.