My problem is not with tipping – it is with the tipping i am coerced into.

I can give you another recent example:

A friend and I went to Momofuku in NYC this weekend. We had both been looking forward to eating there and it was totally worth it.

The waitress took away our credits cards to split the bill down the middle and when she came back, she said the following (word for word), “I accidentally overcharged you (my friend’s card). Sorry. Fixing it would be a thing so…yeah.” And she said this as she walked away. She didn’t seem sorry and she walked away as she said it.

That’s what she said – she overcharged my friend by $6 and me by $1 (randomly) and just left it because why not. She didnt think we would ask her to fix it or whatever and we waited for her to come back but, after 10 minutes, she didn’t return.

So we asked for the manager, complained and our meal was free. The manager understood that she had basically done this in case we didn’t tip as many people don’t tip well after having a quick lunch. All she has done is bring our ramen to the counter. It’s poor etiquette on her part and the manager apologized on her behalf as she clearly doesn’t want Momofuku to be a place where people are randomly stolen from.

And, as the federal minimum wage is $7.25, the employer is legally obliged to make up the wages of staff that don’t make that through tips etc. If they don’t,they are breaking the law as an employer.

In contrast, the taxi driver stopped the meter in heavy traffic when he was taking me across town so I could make my meeting – earning himself the mandatory tip if you pay with a credit card. I had no problem with that – because he tried his best to avoid traffic and stopped the meter at one point – he didnt have to do any of that.

The restaurants in USA mark up the food by 65% sometimes – which hardly seems justified. Maybe restaurants should either provide benefits for their staff members or pay them a bit more. Don’t be greedy – share that profit :-)

Also, the federal minimum wage is $7.25 – if people don’t make that in tips – the employer has to match staff on their wages. If an employer doesn’t make good on this – report them or change jobs. No one else would put up with being denied wages, you shouldn’t either. Don’t forget, 90% of people who are tipped hide at least part of their tips from the tax man – the rest of us don’t have that luxury :-)

By now, many people have realised that passing on the rest of the wage to the customer doesn’t ensure good service so this system isn’t really working. The best service I have ever received in America is by employees that don’t expect tips (in Starbucks, kinkos and supermarkets – where employees will literally spend time walking around with you, helping you to find items on your list and help you choose)

I had a spa day recently – i negotiated a price with the therapist (because everything is way way over-priced once you leave NYC) and she agreed that it was a good deal. The service was good and now i will be a regular customer. She didn’t expect a tip and I didn’t give her one. I recommended her services to an entire organisation – and she is inundated with business. I didnt ask for commission – why should she get a tip?

It is less surprising for someone trying to make money from a tourist in a poor country (as this makes sense – it’s hardly something to be surprised about – they know you have money because you could afford to fly to the country and stay in a hotel). I think it is hypocritical middle-class morality to be shocked at scam artists in a third world country but justify tipping because the government in America has decided to pass an invisible tax onto the consumer to help the restaurant industry. The custom of blindly tipping in America isn’t really that old – Americans were generally against it in 1890 and minimum wage was only established in 1938.

Waiters in Sri Lanka, and hotel/guesthouse staff don’t get paid that much – i dont know if there is a minimum wage but i doubt if they get paid well. I wonder how many tourists tip them? Sri Lankans – who would never ever think of tipping anyone in Sri Lanka would blindly tip in USA – lest they be chastised by their peers for caring about the plight of the service industry worker in America, a supposedly developed country.

*sigh* That said, I always tip taxi drivers at night. I think its a thank you for making me feel safe and comfortable in a moving vehicle driven by a stranger, getting me to my destination quickly and stopping in the first place (they are like a white knight, helping me to safely get home).

Everybody refers to everybody and the kickbacks are indeed being paid depending how much the tourist has spent. Really didn’t like when they take your hand and start babbling about you will get 3 kids and live to the age of 99 and expect money for that or when you hire a guide and midway an accomplish comes around to voluntarily help you…. yeah.. they get pissed off when you refuse.

Biggest frustration i found was that a romantic walk at sunset on the beach was impossible.. constantly crowded by cripples (who can walk amazingly fast when they think you don’t look at them) and other salesmen/women… really persistent and not very eager to let this “big fish” get away so easy en let him enjoy the peace of a beach sunset…

As a tourist it is okay to feel weirded out by something that is different, and make the conscious decision to opt out of the local behavior, although you cannot help feeling and looking like a jackass. I suppose what is different with this experience in Sri Lanka is that these customs are not old enough to be matter-of-fact, and you have more leeway in how to respond to them. Also, these people are not employees of any business, and therefore not under any supervision or necessarily held to any standards of behavior or action. Tipping a waiter is part of their job but having money demanded from you because you took advantage of something freely offered feels wrong; how could you have known it was not freely offered unless they said something?

Everyone in America looks for a tip – like a beggar. People dont tip because they want to – they tip because they are afraid of bad service the next time around or because they are shamed into it by the staff – just like they are in Sri Lanka, it seems.

I had my wedding reception in Manhattan and on top of the extortionate cost of the lunch, they wanted an enormous tip (that hadnt been discussed beforehand). They had made many mistakes during the day that i hadn’t commented on because i was happy – it was one of my wedding days. But when i politely declined to pay the tip, the maitre d raised his voice slightly, enough to alert some of our guests, and said, this is normal in NYC. I informed him that at no point was this ridiculous tip mentioned to me when we discussed costs over the phone and frankly, a tip is earned. I pointed out the several mistakes that had been made and the man was speechless. The restaurant apologised for his attitude and I was given a further discount. And this was a Michelin star restaurant!

I’m from London, and many places in the city center just expect a tip and treat you badly unless you give one. Thankfully, the culture of blind tipping is only perpetuated by some stupid housewives with money to burn. The rest of us wont be coerced into it.