That’s a defense mechanism and a pretty normal reaction to having been through tribulations that have sewn you to a place, common feelings of expats in many places, I think, or anyone who’s had to grow a lot in a certain period of time or place. I felt similarly upon leaving Taiwan.

It’s true that every experience is a unique encounter, even as most moments in time are endlessly small pernutations of the familiar–all the more challenging and necessary to create a sense of flow our of them. I have been a student of Budo, Buddhism, and existentialism for a number of years (I lump them together because I receive similar or complimentary insights from all three), and decided that everything pretty much comes down to that–being fully present in every moment or experience as the first and only one, because the past is no longer there and the future hasn’t happened yet. I think shuntyu Suzuki said something to the extent of “our lives are as common as dirt..but dirt is really extraordinary if you take the time to look at it.”

The human mind loathes transience, which is odd, considering how change and the impermanence of all things is basically the fundamental building block of the universe. I do think the mind can be trained to suffer less in the face of loss, but it never really gets easier. I cried when I left Japan, and I’ll probably cry about it again.

Always makes me think of this, my favorite haiku:

行く我に
とどまる汝に
秋二つ

“What seemed to happen, in my last weeks in Japan, is that rather than feeling a sense of attachment and a longing to stay, I have left already.”

You know, this is quite normal. I don’t know how much you’ve lived abroad, but for me that is one way of coping because no stay is permanent. It’s like you ‘check out’ before you actually go as it mitigates the leave-taking. There’s nothing wrong with it, although it’s not always good (I sometimes ‘check out’ months before, meaning I’ll get lazy about making new friends because I’ll soon be moving, or lazy about attending events, because they don’t matter, etc.). But you also have to be conscious of it, because, indeed, you do need to live the moment, regardless of the fact that you might be leaving tomorrow.

By the way, as I understand you are headed to London next, which is where I’m based (at the moment – not permanently, of course). Give me a shout if you want to reconnect to Japan, say, by watching a Japanese movie or something.

Reading this post reminded me of these two things:
1. Your own post from last year: http://thisjapaneselife.org/2012/04/04/cherry-blossoms-sakura-haiku/
2. The song Ketsui no Asa ni by Aqua Timez. Song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9WGhdMtSNs
Lyric translations: http://coolcwer.wordpress.com/2009/03/15/ketsui-no-asa-ni-alternate-english-translation/

Thank you for the immense inspiration you’ve bestowed upon me.